shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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