On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
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