i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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