i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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