Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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