I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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