Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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