WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
