drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
