I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
