I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Randomize
