if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
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