he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
