3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
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