her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
