I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
