Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
