You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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