I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
