dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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