i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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