Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
