I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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