I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
literally had 100 drinks last night.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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