I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
