Got a toothbrush?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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