dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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