So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
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We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
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