Pregnant stripper...not hot.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
