I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
