Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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