I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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