The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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