how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
