i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
