someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
We don't watch enough power rangers
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize