Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
