shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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