I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
