the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
A+ Viking dick
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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