The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
