Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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