im about as happy as oj after his trial
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
