i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
