My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
