Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
