I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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