I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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