pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
