Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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