I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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