Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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