i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
