as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
