I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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