I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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