Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
