she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
