you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
