Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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