I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Maybe he injected his testicle?
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
